Bury St Edmunds Child Contact Centre steps in to stop a precious bond being broken
Every Saturday afternoon, in a Suffolk church hall, children and parents meet up to spend time together. Those few hours are precious ... without them they might not see each other at all.
Shocking statistics reveal that more than a million children in the UK lose all contact with one of their parents following divorce or separation.
The huge number is a stark reminder of the crucial role of Child Contact Centres nationwide in helping avoid added heartache in the wake of a broken relationship.
They provide a safe, neutral space where children can meet the parent they no longer live with, and sometimes other family members.
In west Suffolk, a small local charity has been stepping into that breach for more than 30 years.
Bury St Edmunds Child Contact Centre – which is affiliated to the national body – is one of only two of its kind in the county. The other is in Ipswich.
The time together is not supervised – although staff and volunteers are there if needed – but the handover is, smoothing the way for separated couples who do not want to meet.
Parent and child have their own space in the hall, with a table and chairs, where they can spend the afternoon, talking, playing, or just enjoying being with each other.
Emotional messages of thanks show just how vital the service is.
One parent wrote: “I hadn’t realised the need for centres like this until I was in this situation myself, and now that I am it’s been a real lifeline.
“I can’t praise the centre highly enough for the service it provides to families in need.”
Another said: “That was the first time I had seen (my child) in months and it meant a huge amount to me to be able to see and make sure (my child) is okay. Seeing (them) even briefly has been a massive relief.”
And yet the team who run the contact centre believe numerous families could still be missing out on their help.
Some don’t realise the service is available because there has been no court or social services involvement in their arrangements for the children.
While cases can be referred to the centre through solicitors or the courts, it is also possible for families to make contact independently.
“I don’t think we are very well known,” said Susan McGregor, secretary of the contact centre which welcomes people from Bury St Edmunds and surrounding towns and villages.
“A lot of families who split up don’t go through the courts or have social services in the background.
“There could be a lot for whom the contact centre might make things less difficult when the family is in a state of flux. It can be difficult to manage and the child loses out.”
Bury St Edmunds Access Club – as it was called then – was opened in 1989 by its patron Judge John Sheerin.
It was set up by a group of people who knew first hand the difficulties that could confront separated mums and dads trying not to lose touch with their children.
They included family solicitors, and people involved in courts and CAFCASS (Children and Family Courts Advisory and Support Service).
Judge Sheerin said at the time that in the Bury area family visits had been taking place in cafés, or weather permitting outside in the Abbey Gardens.
In 1991 the National Association of Child Contact Centres was established as an umbrella body for local services.
“We are affiliated to them and they come to assess us every three years,” said Susan.
By 1997 the centre had grown to be helping 75 children, with more than 50 referrals that year.
Suffering caused to children by loss of contact was emphasised the next year by solicitor Felicity Carnegie, who has been involved with the centre for more than 30 years and used to chair the committee.
She was quoted as saying: “When involved in relationships it is difficult to measure success, but I have no doubt that failure of successful contact is a tragedy in many children’s lives.”
Another stalwart of the centre from the start is Alison Flath, who retired from the committee this year, but is still a volunteer.
By the time the centre celebrated its tenth anniversary in 1999 parents were travelling from all over the country, and in some cases from abroad, to see their children for a few hours.
Three hour contact sessions are now held at All Saints’ Church Hall, in Bury, every Saturday afternoon. There is space to play, and a kitchen for tea, coffee and soft drinks.
“Depending on the size of families attending, we can accommodate up to eight in the hall each week,” said Susan.
“At the moment we have four or five families each session using it. We could have more but we also need to keep the privacy element.
“It’s so important that children grow up knowing both mum and dad. It’s well documented now that it is much better for children to see both parents.
“Sessions have gone well over these past two years, despite Covid lockdowns, and it has been a joy to hear and see children and visiting parents, and other family members, having fun.”
“It’s lucky to have somewhere in this town where that can happen. People can have to travel quite a way and that can be awkward if they don’t have a lot of means.
“This gives them a chance to spend some quality time with the little one. There is no age limit, but it’s usually younger children.”
Impartiality is a key element of the service. Those who run it never take sides or get drawn into disputes between parents. “The most important people at the centre are the children,” she said.
The hope is that families will use the centre as a starting point for arranging their own contact.
“Our service is a temporary arrangement. We encourage families to develop mutual trust and move forward when alternative plans are agreed.”
Everyone helping at the centre is fully trained including on child protection and safeguarding, has undergone an enhanced criminal records check, and works to a strict confidentiality policy.
Part-time co-ordinator Alli Field, or her deputy, Zoe Crane, lead the sessions with two of the charity’s 20 voluntary helpers.
“Volunteers are the lifeblood of the service we provide,” said Susan. They can be any age, we have men and women, and they do one session every six weeks.
“It’s good for people to see a mix of people coming in to help. They are doing great work and the families really appreciate having that support.
“Many of them have been supporting this contact at the centre for a great many years and are highly experienced – although we are always looking for more.”
Alli works from home organising volunteers, taking calls and handling paperwork which with self-referrals can be extensive.
The charity also has an executive committee, which is chaired by Nick Longford, a retired family solicitor.
Susan first got involved as a volunteer, then was the co-ordinator from 2005 to 2008. She left and went into teaching, and has taught at St Benedict’s in Bury, where she was head of English, and at the Samuel Ward school in Haverhill.
“Three years ago I was asked to rejoin the committee and was delighted to do so,” she said.
The centre has to pay its own way. “We’re always looking for funds and donations. We get a donation every year from CAFCASS.
“And supermarkets locally and businesses have been good to us, and we do fund-raising events through the year. A lot of solicitors will make charitable donation to us.”
Relying on volunteers means that although a fee is charged – £80 for 10 sessions – the cost can be kept low.
“There are contact centres that are set up which are private and charge families quite a lot of money,” said Susan.
“There is also a family centre in Fornham Road in Bury where there is social services-supervised contact. We do supported contact, not supervised contact.
“Our volunteers are there not to supervise but to facilitate the contact, and be there while families are there and using the centre.”
And one parent summed up the feelings of many. “It is just such a relief to see my child, even briefly. I will be forever grateful to the staff and volunteers.”
“The feedback we get is heartening for the volunteers, to see that the work they do is appreciated,” Susan said.
- To get in touch with Bury St Edmunds Child Contact Centre either call 07773 733 273 (answer phone) or email: burystedmundscontactcentre@gmail.com
